February 5, 2013

For the heart in chains...


It's so easy for a heart to be put in chains. 

It only takes an unkind word, an unjust situation, an unfair accusation for a heart to go in bondage under the pain. 

And it weighs. 

It is heavier than a boulder inside your chest. The iron shackles surround it and threaten to drown it in grief. 

The offender wraps the first few chains around it and we add the rest link by link.

When we refuse to forgive, when we feed the thoughts of revenge, when we verbally assault the wrongdoer in our minds, arguing for days with their memory, always winning: sometimes with reason, sometimes with ugly words, sometimes with righteous anger, but always winning. 

Relishing the idea of a confrontation where we come out victorious, but forgetting that when a relationship is broken, nobody really walks away the winner. The real confrontation is rarely as we imagined. There is no penitence on the offender's part, no ready apology, no bowed brow or downcast eyes. There is defensiveness, and frustration, and truth flung back at us that we may not want to hear. It is often messy, always hurtful, and many times disappointing.

So how will this heart lose the chains of having been wounded that are pulling it deeper and deeper into darkness? 

Only when we forgive the undeserving, the one who does not even think he requires mercy, the one who will never utter the words we long to hear. Only then. Only when we give the pain back to the One who suffered like no other and more unjustly than any other, for him to take and to exchange us for peace and mercy. Only then. Only when we let go of the desire to confront, the right to speak our piece, the need for an apology. Only then.

"Come to me, you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest," He said. 

There is no heavier burden than un-forgiveness. There is no more wearisome life than the life of the offended. 

"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light," He said. 

There is no harder yoke than the yoke of self-righteousness. There is no stronger bondage than the bondage of anger. And there is no emptier existence than the existence of those who don't know how to unburden themselves of these shackles.

"I have come that they may have life to the fullest," He said

When a heart is drowning in the pain resulting from living with others just as flawed and sinful as itself, grab onto Him who is Life himself and let Him pull you out of the mud of tears and the mire of shattered friendships, and set your feet right back onto the rock of his grace and forgiveness that will then flow out of you and onto others and... 

Set you free. 

9 comments:

Jean Wise said...

What a great visual this is. Yes one unkind word and we let it fester and grow. so truen. glad to read your blog this morning!

Nancy Franson said...

Dear Gaby! So happy to see your link over at Jen's place. And, yes, I've known this burden of unforgiveness--the rehearsing of accusations and imagining pinning someone to the wall with my arguments. It was one of the most miserable, sleep-deprived seasons of my life.

But you know what the good news is? That relationship has been healed and restored. God really is about the business of reconciliation. And it truly is sweet.

Gaby said...

Thank you, Nancy. I remember your post about that relationship. You're so right: God is in the business of reconciliation! Even if the other person never knows that he or she was forgiven, that forgiveness alone brings a sense of reconciliation to a heart, don't you think? But it is much sweeter when there is physical reconciliation as well!

Gaby said...

Thank you, Jean. Thank you for stopping by.

Denise Nelson said...

A friend sent this to me this morning......she goes to your church....she also knows how I really needed to hear this message.....thank you so much for touching my heart.....I have been dealing with a situation for a year now that has gotten steadily worse and has driven my daughter and myself apart.....all because neither one of us were willing to really forgive the other......today I let it go......once and for all.....right or wrong.....I let it go and forgive this other person in my daughters life.......I forgive all the injustices done, all the hurt and feelings of betrayal that I have dealt with.....I have been praying about this for awhile now but today I realized I had not forgiven, TRULY forgiven like I should have.....maybe me forgiving and letting it go will help the situation to heal......

Gaby said...

Oh, Denise, my heart breaks for you. Please know that you took the first step today. I may take a few steps to break free, a constant giving it away to Jesus until it is no longer so heavy, such a burden. I will keep you in my prayers, sister.

soulstops said...

Yes, so true...we must forgive, and I am learning even after I forgive there may still be pain because the relationship has not been restored but I can be comforted by God and by the knowledge that I did my part...blessings to you, Gaby :)

Kathleen Jaeger said...

Gaby, I really needed to hear this tonight. That verse...come to me all you who are weary and heavy-burdened....that is the word He keeps saying to me. Thanks for being part of His whisper to my soul. Kathleen

Danelle said...

I know this feeling too sweet friend. And I keep telling myself this when the unforgiveness still sticks around as much I want it to leave. . My battle isn't against flesh and blood. That makes the difference for me. It doesn't make everything perfect, but it gives me perspective.
Thank you for this honest piece of writing. Good to be here today.