October 20, 2011

Does DNA make a family?

Friends, here is the latest post for Adoptive Families Circle. It is very similar to one I posted here a while back (in fact, it was the foundation for it!) but if you are fairly new you may not have read it before. You won't be able to leave comments at AFC unless you are a member, so would you kindly come back here and leave your thoughts? I would love to read them!

How much did she cost?" "Why can’t you have biological children?" "Why did her birthmom not want her?" "Aren’t you afraid of how he will turn out?" "Do you know who her REAL parents are?"

When we walk around the block, or through the grocery store, or just about anywhere else, there's no hiding the fact that we're a family formed by adoption. Not that I would want to hide it -- ever. But I do sometimes cringe at those intrusive, tactless, ignorant questions that would never arise in any other context.


Deborah said...

I remember this one! I am never very good at pulling out snappy responses at the right time, so I can understand why you'd freeze at the question about them being siblings. A wise person once told me to respond to these types of questions as if the person had a genuine need to know (i.e. was looking into adoption). It always seems like a good way to sort out the sincere from the gawkers. But like I said, I'm not very good at that.

E said...

loved your last post and can so relate.

....by the way.....why do people care? :) wouldn't they freak if we asked if THEIR children were brother and sister....hehe....awkward!

Debbie said...

I just finished reading this at the other site. What a wonderful piece. You have written before about the comments and questions that you get about your children, and just as before I was dumbstruck (rare for me, really...) by the things that people say or ask.
Blows my mind.

However, I can see myself asking about a biological link to children because my first cousins have the same birth mother and so it is a link I might consider.

I am so glad you wrote this so I could stand corrected and convicted. It was beautiful, and you're right about what makes a brother or sister.

I also read your comment about the cart return. Oh, yes... I remember those days very well. I always thought to myself that when I was older, I would keep an eye out for the young mom struggling with at least two handfuls of child and offer to return her cart for her. I did it for a while, but alas as time goes by we tend to forget those things. In recent years, I have been MUST less diligent.

So, you have convicted me twice in one day. Thanks!

That's part of what I meant by the Pharisee Trap. Extend the grace not only in thought but in word and deed.

Again, I loved your DNA post.